All the news that’s fit to print

April 19, 2010 at 8:35 am | Posted in Random musings | 2 Comments

This post has been a long time coming.  A lot has happened since I last posted.

First off, about Boo.  We continue to receive updates about him, as well as many many pictures.  His bmom’s parental rights have been terminated, and he will be adopted by his step-grandmother this summer.  We saw him in March for his first birthday, and he’s still a sweetie!  The skinny, undernurished little guy we met a year ago is now a chubby, happy, healthy soon-to-be-toddler.  We are incredibly happy for him, and for his family.

In September, T & I got married.  Legally.  It was a beautiful weekend, and we were surrounded by many family and friends.  We continue to educate others on marriage equality in our state, and do our best to insure that our newfound rights are not stripped from us.

Lastly, we are no longer foster parents.  After Boo moved to his new home last summer, we had 2 calls in 6 months.  With one of the calls, the caseworker tried to blackmail us into taking 2 children for a less than a month (“If you don’t take both of them, they will be seperated”)  This was after we told them we only had room for one child.  *rolls eyes*  So in December, we informed the agency that we were not renewing.  Wouldn’t you know it, we got 3 calls in 2 weeks!  Even after the notice from DHS came that our license was now rescinded.  I have mixed feelings regarding leaving foster care.  I know that in many cases, foster care is a wonderful thing.  However, I don’t believe that we have the “right stuff” to put up with the crap.

This means we are no longer “Fostering Pride”.  I’m hoping to leave this blog up for a while longer, just because it does chronicle a significant portion of our lives.

Where does that leave us?  Well, follow me to find out what’s next…

Foster parenting in the news

August 5, 2009 at 12:29 pm | Posted in Fostering | 3 Comments

This article caught my attention today.  Since you may not have time to read it, I’ll give you the first two paragraphs:

When the 15-year-old girl accused her father of abusing her, she was placed in a foster home while the allegations were investigated. That home was just two doors down.

A week later, the girl’s father fatally shot her and her foster father before killing himself in the northwestern Tennessee community of Dyersburg. Now people are questioning the actions of the state agency responsible for protecting children from abuse and neglect.

A tragedy.  And I do agree that there are many questions that need to be answered by the state’s DCS.  Unfortunately, I can see a few of the failings in this case.  The biggest is that the community where this occurred is rather small (about 17,000).  My uneducated belief is that there aren’t many foster homes in this community that will take teenagers.

So why didn’t they move her to another community?  Foster children deal with a lot of changes when they move into a new home.  In our state, the agency in charge of placing children tries to keep a foster child in their current school district.  Changing this child’s school, especially during high school, would put an uneccesary burden on her.

But two doors away?  A couple from our foster class wanted to be able to care for their 4 year old granddaughter when she was placed into care.  However, because of the abuse in her current household, it was decided that the grandparents were too close to the issue to effectively care for her.  I would believe that going to a very near neighbor would likely fall into the category of “too close for comfort”.

An awful tragedy.  No real answers.  And sadly, not too much will be done.

Um yeah, still here

July 21, 2009 at 3:31 pm | Posted in Little Mr Boo, Random musings | 5 Comments

So, hi…My name is Blondie, and I DO have a blog.  A neglected blog, much like any indoor plant that may live inside our home might be.  Did you know I have a black thumb?  Apparently, I also have black, um, fingers?

So yes, we’re still here.  And a little busy.

Some highlights, in a nutshell:

  • Boo is thriving in his new home.  J, his step-gma and soon-to-be adoptive mom, has sent us pics and updates of him, and we know he’s well taken care of.  He’s filling out, and the last pic we got showed him grinning from ear to ear.  His brother is just beside himself, he’s so excited to have Boo with him.
  • We’re pursuing options with adoption and/or foster care.  We got our payment together and started our application, but that’s been placed on hold because…
  • J has given our contact info to a few caseworkers in her community.  One caseworker currently has 3 infants (different cases) that are at or nearing TPR, and will need an adoptive home in a few months.
  • Oh yeah, we’re getting married in a few weeks.  And people are expecting a party.  You know, with things like cake, and food, and music.  These things must be planned, you know!

So yeah…that’s our life right now.

Feeling Better

June 22, 2009 at 2:07 pm | Posted in Little Mr Boo | 2 Comments

After today’s court hearing, we’re feeling LOTS better.

1.  Based on the evidence presented in today’s hearing, we do not believe that BM will get Boo back.  She showed up for the hearing in shackles, wearing a standard-issue orange jumpsuit.  Her family has a long history with DHS and law enforcement.  BM is not mature enough to be able to care for a child, can’t get past her substance abuse issues, and is indifferent to a child’s needs.  This is good news for Boo.

2.  However, we won’t be getting back either.  We met J, his mother’s step-mother, and we like her.  Those of you who’ve seen me know that I’m tall.  She’s taller than me, and about our age.  She’s got a good head on her shoulders, is employed, and is a foster mom herself.  And as a bonus, she adopted Boo’s 3 year old brother.  We gave her our email address, and we will do our best to keep in touch with her about Boo.  This is a good thing, and it’s a very good place for him to be.  She’s able to give him the one thing we cannot: a biological connection.  Anyone who’s adopted a child, or has been adopted themselves, knows how much that connection means.  I can only speak by proxy on this, but Trish can tell you first-hand how important and rewarding knowing her sisters has been.  J will be a fierce protector of Boo.

It is not the resolution we wanted for ourselves, but it’s not about us.  This is about him, and about what is best for him.  We will always miss him, he will always be our Boo, but we cannot be selfish.  We were so lucky to have him, even for a short time.  We’ll always hold onto that.

Thank you, everyone for your love, support, and prayers the last few days.  We do feel better now that we have more information.  We will get past this.

LMB: Three Months Old

June 19, 2009 at 12:46 pm | Posted in Little Mr Boo, Monthly newsletters | 6 Comments

Dear sweet Boo:

This month’s newsletter is wrapped in sadness.  Two days ago, your firstmom made a decision to have someone else look after you.  Yesterday, Mommy and Mama sorted through your clothes and boxed things up before your social worker came to take you to your new home.  It’s only been a few hours since you left us, and we miss you terribly.  We don’t know if you will come back to us, or if we will see you again, but you will always, always, always be in our hearts.

But this is about your third month, not our grief.  Sweet boy, you have grown so much in the last month!  You are no longer the skin-and-bones baby we first saw.  Instead, you now have little chubby legs and little chubby cheeks, and look a lot less like a 1-week old.

In this last month, your personality has emerged.  You’ve started laughing and smiling more, and last week you were chattering away in your car seat while we were on a trip.  Hearing you “talk” is an absolute joy.  You are a very happy, easy going baby.  When you first came to us, you were a grouchy boy, and now you’ve turned into the sweetest, snuggliest, happiest baby I’ve ever had the pleasure of knowing.  You are rarely unhappy, only when it’s meal time or you’ve got a deep gas bubble in your tummy.

You’ve also discovered ceiling fans.  We’ve taken to calling this your “favorite TV show”.  One afternoon, you were playing with us and turned your head to see the ceiling fan spinning above you.  From that moment on, you were transfixed.  It doesn’t matter if it’s in the living room, our bedroom, or at Grandma’s, you love the ceiling fan.  We call each fan a different version of the same show (like all the CSI’s and L&O’s out there), the plot’s the same, and you don’t mind reruns.

We love you so much, Boo.  Thank you for making us moms.  We will always hold you in our hearts and prayers even when we can’t hold you in our arms.

Love, Mommy


June 17, 2009 at 3:17 pm | Posted in Crappity Crap, Little Mr Boo | 6 Comments

Our little Boo is leaving us.  We don’t know if it’s for a short while, or if it’s forever.

At noon today, I got a call from Boo’s SW.  BM’s attorney informed SW that BM has requested that Boo be placed with BM’s step-mother.  We had the option of having a 1-week transition period, or immediate removal.  After consulting each other and SW, we opted for immediate removal.  Tomorrow afternoon, SW is going to come to our home and take Boo from us.

We’re gutted, obviously.  We have a lot of questions, and very few answers.  One big question is why did it take 7 weeks for his step-grandmother to, well, step up?  Is she interested in adopting him?

BM has a hearing on Monday for this case.  She’s still in jail, awaiting trial for a collection of misdemeanors.  We will be at this hearing, and do hope to make a statement.

Right now, we could use all the prayers, healing energy, white light, etc that you can spare.  This is our son.  Love makes us his family.

LMB: Two months old

May 19, 2009 at 2:33 pm | Posted in Little Mr Boo, Monthly newsletters | 5 Comments

Dear sweet Boo:

Today, you are two months old.  By now, Momma and I have known you two and a half weeks, but you’ve turned our lives upside down.

We know a few things about your first weeks on this fragile Earth.  You had many problems eating and gaining weight, so FirstGrandma and FirstMom took you to see the doctors.  They told the doctors that every time you ate, your tummy pushed it right back out your mouth.  Even through your nose!  The doctors wanted to make you well, so they decided that they needed to operate on your tiny tummy to fix it.  You had to spend a couple days at the hospital to make sure your tummy was going to be ok.

While you were in the hospital, your FirstMom started doing things that she probably shouldn’t have done.  To keep you healthy and safe, a very nice lady decided that you should come live with us, at least for a while.

When this lady called and asked Momma and me to take care of you, we were very excited.  But we needed lots of things to keep you safe, fed, and clothed.  So Momma asked Grandma to go shopping, but didn’t tell her that you were at home.  Boy, was Grandma surprised to see diapers and formula on Momma’s shopping list!

Since you’ve lived with us, sweet boy, you have gained a lot of weight.  Your doctor isn’t concerned, because she says you’ve got “a lot of catching up to do in the growth department.”  You must be hungry a lot, because some days, we can’t seem to get enough food in your tummy!

Everyone tells us how strong you are.  For such a little guy, you do a great job holding up your head.  Sometimes, you even try to stand on our laps while we hold you.

You are a very sweet and happy baby.  This morning while I was feeding you, you smiled and gave me a little laugh.  You usually only fuss and cry when Da Moms need to take care of one of the 3 B’s: belly, burp, or butt.  You are happiest when you are held, or get to sit in your swing.

Sweet little Boo.  We all love you so so much.  We hate leaving you for the day, and we can’t wait to see you when our workday is over.  We are learning so much from you.  We pray every day that you will get to stay with us for a long, long time.

Lots of love,

Has it been 2 weeks?

May 15, 2009 at 2:58 pm | Posted in Little Mr Boo | Leave a comment

Ok, I’m sorry to do this, but it’s time for another bulleted post.  Here is a small snapshot of what’s happening in our lives.

Good stuff:

  • It’s been 2 weeks and one day since we first held Little Mr Boo.  Yes, we even call him “Boo” at home. 
  • Sleep is getting a little better.  Not much, especially when the non-waker decides she needs to help with the 2am feeding/shouting match.  We both do it, and it’s a habit we’ve got to break!
  • We had to do the “formula shuffle” this week.  LMB wasn’t taking too well to his original formula (Formula A), so we swapped it with something else (after getting the dr’s ok).  Unfortunately, WIC doesn’t cover that formula (Formula B), so we switched again to a sensitive version of the original (Formula C).  It’s actually working better than Formula B.
  • We also switched bottles to Dr. Brown’s.  A bear to clean, but oh, so nice!  (Isn’t parenthood exciting?)
  • LMB had a weight check on Wed.  Since last week’s appt, he’s gained a WHOLE POUND, and now weighs 8 lbs 9 oz.  He’s filling out nicely, and I think he’ll hit a growth spurt soon.  He still needs to get longer to fit into some of the 0-3 clothes we’ve got for him.
  • My brother referred to LMB as his “possible future nephew” last week.
  • My mother is already starting to think about what quilt to make for his first Christmas.
  • He turns 2 months next week.  I think I’ll start on a monthly letter for him, one safe to publish here, and one to put into his lifebook.

Not as good stuff:

  • Da Moms have been sick off and on all week.  Today is the first day that both of us have been back at work.
  • Mother’s Day involved a 3 hour trip for T to the walk-in clinic, while LMB stayed with my mother.  I think Boo and my mother had the better afternoon.
  • We’re about to run into a situation with daycare.  We love where he’s at, but she won’t be able to keep him over the summer.  She’s got a few school-aged kids in her daycare, and when school lets out, she has to change her capacity.  We’re working on a solution.
  • LMB’s BM did not sign a release to allow us to leave the state with him.  So, we can drive 4 hours west and stay inside the state, but can’t drive 4 hours east and go across the state line.
  • She also claims that she will be entering rehab (as soon as she’s out of jail, of course) and will be working towards reunification.  Our SW doesn’t believe that she’ll be able to pull it off, however.

Will try to post more later…hard to do while holding a little one!

Little Mr Boo

May 7, 2009 at 9:43 am | Posted in Little Mr Boo | 7 Comments

It’s been a week of love, let me tell you.  Little Mr Boo is so incredibly yummy, and sweet, and beautiful, and loving, and tiny.

Let’s talk about the tiny:  Right now, he weighs in at about the first percentile for his age (7 weeks), and second percentile for height.  He’s still in newborn sizes, most 0-3 clothing looks as though Paris Hilton is wearing…well, my clothes.

In the last week of having LMB, we’ve learned:

  • When you have an infant, everyone wants to see him, hold him, love on him.  This applies to people you know, and people who come up to you at the store.
  • When you have an infant of a different race than your own (and you’re with your same-sex partner), people will assume that you’ve adopted already.  You get extra credit for telling them you’re foster parents and LMB is “staying with us for a while.”
  • Some mothers, no matter how many chances they get, cannot or will not get their act together.  Two arrests in three weeks is not a good thing.
  • Our dog, Bailey, is quite protective of LMB.  She gets nervous if someone other than us holds him in her presence.  Last night, we put her outside while a friend visited with us.  Before she came back in, we placed him in his crib so that we could get ready for bed ourselves.  The dog got frantic, looking for “her baby”.  So much so that I had to pick her up and take her to his crib so that she could peer in and sniff at him to make certain he was alright.
  • Those who know us, and those who’ve just met us, want us to adopt him.  SW says it’ll be a “long term placement”.
  • A week ago at this time, we didn’t know LMB even existed.  Now, we can’t imagine our lives without him.

April Showers

May 2, 2009 at 9:07 pm | Posted in Placements | 4 Comments

Yeah, so I haven’t been here in a while.  But honestly, I have a great excuse. 

No, really, it’s a doozy. 

You don’t believe me, do you? 

Sheesh, you’re a tough crowd. 

We got a baby.

No, not an adoptive baby, a foster baby boy.  N was born 3/19, and has 3 older sibs who’ve been TPR’ed over3 years ago.  We don’t know how long we’ll have him, but we’re (mostly) enjoying life with this little guy.

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